Category Archives: Random

An early case for state sponsored sterilisation?……

Dug this old chestnut out after a conversation earlier in the day.  It is allegedly a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the Customer Care Department. (Apparently the guy was fired)

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.  (Now I  know why they record these phone conversations!)

Operator:  “Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?”
Caller:  “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
Operator:  “What sort of trouble?”
Caller:  “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
Operator: “Went away?”
Caller:  “They disappeared.”
Operator:  “Hmm.  So what does your screen look like now?”
Caller: “Nothing.”
Operator:  “Nothing?”
Caller:  “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
Operator: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
Caller:  “How do I tell?”
Operator:  “Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?”
Caller:  “What’s a sea-prompt?”
Operator:  “Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”
Caller:  “There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
Operator:  “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
Caller: “What’s a monitor?”
Operator:  “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
Caller:  “I don’t know.”
Operator: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
Caller:  “Yes, I think so.”
Operator:  “Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
Caller:  “Yes, it is.”
Operator:  “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
Caller: “No.”
Operator: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
Caller:  “Okay, here it is.”
Operator:  “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
Caller:  “I can’t reach.”
Operator  “OK.  Well, can you see if it is?”
Caller:  “No.”
Operat or: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
Caller:  “Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle—it’s because it’s dark.”
Operator:  “Dark?”
Caller:  “Yes—the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
Operator:  “Well, turn on the office light then.”
Caller:  “I can’t.”
Operator:  “No?  Why not?”
Caller:  “Because there’s a power failure.”
Operator:  “A power …. A power failure?  Aha.  Okay, we’ve got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?”
Caller:  “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
Operator:  “Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Caller:  “Really? Is it that bad?”
Operator:  “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
Caller:  “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
Operator:  “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!”